One of the most personal and meaningful choices you can make for your wedding is asking a loved one to officiate your ceremony. Having a friend, sibling, or parent lead your vows can make the moment even more special and intimate. However, officiating a wedding isn’t as simple as standing up and speaking—there are legal steps, public speaking considerations, and emotional factors to think through.

If you're considering having a friend or family member officiate your wedding, first consider the following questions before choosing a family or friend:

Are they comfortable speaking in front of a crowd?
Will they be able to handle the emotional weight of the moment?
Can they maintain a steady, clear voice throughout the ceremony?
Do they have experience speaking publicly, or will they need extra coaching?

Officiating a wedding is about more than just reading words—it’s about setting the tone for one of the most important moments of the couple’s life. A deeply emotional loved one (like a parent) might find it difficult to maintain composure while officiating. If they are prone to getting choked up, consider a backup plan—such as having a co-officiant or a printed copy of the script available. Please also consider a professional who has expertise in this area.

If you answered YES to the questions above, then this guide will walk you through everything they need to know to legally perform the ceremony and confidently lead the big moment.

Step 1: Check Your State’s Marriage Laws

Before anything else, you need to confirm the legal requirements in the county you wish to be married in. Marriage laws vary by state and sometimes by county, so it’s essential to verify what is needed for someone to officiate legally.

California Requirements:
In California, an officiant must be ordained or a government official (such as a judge or justice of the peace). The good news? California recognizes online ordinations, making it simple for a friend or family member to become a legal officiant. Visit your county’s Clerk-Recorder’s Office website where you intend to file your wedding license to see specific requirements. In El Dorado County, a person can also go in person to be a “Deputy Commissioner for a Day” to perform a one-time legal ceremony.

Step 2: Get Ordained

If your chosen officiant is not already ordained, they will need to become ordained. The fastest and most widely accepted way is through online ordination, which is low-cost and takes just a few minutes. Here are some online resources to get ordained:

Universal Life Church (ULC) – One of the most popular and widely accepted organizations.
American Marriage Ministries (AMM) – Another well-known ordination service.
Universal Ministries – Some couples prefer this for a more spiritual approach.

Once ordained, the officiant may need to request official documentation (such as an ordination certificate) depending on the state’s requirements.

Step 3: Understand the Marriage License Process

Who Picks Up the Marriage License?

The couple must apply for a marriage license at the county clerk’s office where they plan to marry.
Some counties require an appointment, so plan ahead!

What the Officiant Needs to Do with the License:

Before the ceremony: Ensure all names, dates, and locations are correct.
After the ceremony: The couple and officiant sign the license (witnesses may be required). Then the officiant must file the completed license with the county clerk’s office within the required timeframe. Failure to file means the marriage isn’t legally recognized! Pro Tip: Each state has a deadline for returning the marriage license. In California, it must be filed within 10 days of the ceremony.

Step 4: Write (or Customize) the Ceremony Script

A well-planned script ensures the ceremony is personal, meaningful, and legally binding. Some key elements include:

📖 Introduction – Welcome guests and set the tone for the ceremony.
📖 Personal Story or Reflection – A few words about the couple’s journey and love story.
📖 Unity Celebration – Utilizing items to symbolize the joining of two people.
📖 Vow Exchange – This is the heart of the ceremony. The officiant should guide the couple through their vows.
📖 Ring Exchange – A simple script helps make this moment flow smoothly.
📖 Pronouncement – The officiant legally declares the couple married (this is a critical legal component!).
📖 Final Words – “You may now kiss!” and closing remarks.

Pro Tip: Practicing the script out loud before the wedding helps the officiant feel more comfortable and natural when delivering it.

Step 5: Rehearse the Ceremony

Even the best public speakers need practice! A rehearsal helps:
🎤 The officiant get comfortable with the script.
🎤 Work out any last-minute wording adjustments.
🎤 Ensure the officiant knows where to stand and how to cue the couple.
🎤 Prevent awkward pauses or confusion during the actual ceremony.

Step 6: Officiate the Wedding & File the License

Finally, it’s time for the big moment! Once the ceremony is complete, double-check the marriage license is signed correctly and filed with the county clerk. The couple will typically receive their official marriage certificate a few weeks later.

Final Thoughts: Is a Loved One the Right Choice?

Having a friend or family member officiate your wedding can be deeply personal and incredibly special, but it’s important to make sure they:

✅ Feel confident speaking in front of a crowd.
✅ Understand the legal responsibilities of officiating.
✅ Can balance the emotional weight of the moment.
✅ Are prepared to guide the ceremony professionally and smoothly.

If your dad, sibling, or best friend is up for the challenge, they can make your wedding ceremony uniquely meaningful and unforgettable. Just make sure they’re legally prepared, well-rehearsed, and ready to bring your love story to life!

Need help planning your ceremony logistics? At Pomegranate Occasions, we’re here to guide you every step of the way. Contact us today to ensure your wedding day is seamless, stress-free, and perfectly planned using one of our Hourly Consultations or Hire a Professional here!

How to Officiate your friends wedding